WEEDING OUT THE ROOTS OF HISTORICAL LIES IN OUR MARRIAGE

During the month of February, my wife and I have made a monumental effort to get to the bottom of some of the issues which seem to trigger intense emotional responses from each other. This comes at a high degree of difficulty, and we had to do much praying and deep investments of time and energy to get to the points of pain. We have learned where these responses come from, and in an attempt to help my friends who visit this blog, I will be sharing with you the methods we are using to root out these deep negative feelings that at times will change the direction of a persons day or impair our ability to handle things in a just and fair way.

Now at the outset, let me be candid: My wife and I have a wonderful bond and great communication. Our marriage is sound. God has blessed me with a woman that has made me the envy of all my friends. We have forged a Christian based loving and validating association which we are both sure will stand the test of time. But there have been moments when emotions on both sides rose too high. Reactions were too intense to have been caused by our mate. Small instances were triggering significant emotional outbursts, and we knew it was not something the other did. So we sought resolution and wisdom on this problem.
We are convinced that most, if not all marital conflict is rooted in historical lies, which the individual believes to be truth. We get to the root of the lies by asking, “When was the earliest time you can remember feeling this emotion?” These emotions can be guilt, fear, shame, loneliness, heartbreak, helplessness, feeling lost, forgotten, resentment, vulnerable, grief, denial, offended or a host of others.

The first thing we discovered is our partner is not the source of our pain, but rather the trigger that connects your partner to their own woundedness. The source of our pain comes from experiences we had at a very young age and the deeply imbedded lies that come from these experiences. Hard as it was, we had to embrace the perspective of what happened at these points in time way back in our past. These lies are very destructive. What we have been doing is re-framing these lies and learning our partner can be a benefit rather than a threat, exposing the areas of memory based lies that need God’s healing.

The second thing we had to understand is called “The Sore Thumb Priciple.” Most of us has injured their thumb at some point in their life. Then and only then do you come to realize how many times you bump or use your thumb throughout your day. You don’t bump or use it any more often because it is bruised, but we sure notice it. We all have “sore thumbs” which are rooted in historical wounds. Every time our partner bumps against our “sore thumb”, we feel the original pain. As healing partners, we need to be aweae of the others sore thumb and avoid bumping into it if at all possible. So second thing was to understand is within this framework, the reactions to our partners hurtful behavior was symptomatic of his or her own historical woundedness. We had to learn to look past our partners triggers to this pain and look back to our childhood in order to find the original lie still harbored in our minds.

The third thing was to get rid of impossible expectations. A terrible lie ,amy people choose to believe is that somehow their spouse is responsible for their joy or their unhappiness. If a person lacks joy in their life, it is not due to any person, circumstance or life situation.

It is due to one of two factors.

One: If we have un-confessed sin in our lives we cannot know the joy of thee Lord.

Two: If we have lies we embrace as truth, the lie impedes our joy and we can never fully achieve it. If

I am forgiven of all my sins, yet embrace the historical lie, which tells me I’m not worthy of God’s forgiveness, I cannot have joy. It is possible to feel forgiven and yet not have joy. The Apostle Paul illustrates this best when he declared in his letter to the Church in Philippi, “rejoice in the Lord always… I am content (happy) in whatever state I am in…” How could he rejoice or be happy locked away in prison? Because of his relationship with God. The lies that we believe will steal away our joy. Our logical minds will convince us that our lack of joy is due to someone else rather than ourselves.

Fourth: A couple must give up the vain attempt of trying to change each other. This was really hard for me. I’m a “fix it” guy. I always am trying to fix what is wrong. I change behavior or habits in order to try and please my wife. Or, worse yet, I try to make her change. This once again illustrates the problem the rooted lie says the other is responsible for my discomfort. Trying to change the other will only result in frustration. If the partner does concede and make the changes requested, it will only be a matter of time before something else will trigger the wound and the lie, resulting in the same pain surfacing again and again.

How many thousands of times have counselors or therapists heard the words, “It doesn’t matter how much I change, eventually he/she is unhappy again and wanting me to change something else.” They will tell you, it just doesn’t work.
Even if the partner changes, the other will find something else to blame the their pain on. The solution is not to change our partner,, but rather to discern the embedded lies and allow God to release us from the bondage of that lie.

Fifth: A couple must make connections between their present conflicts and their own individual historical woundedness. Those who are having present pain and conflict need to try and identify other times in their past when they have felt the same emotions. Very often they are able to identify some early childhood experience in which they had similar feelings. As they are able to make these connections, they come closer to finding lasting freedom.
Here is an example of what we have been working on together. Keep in mind that recent polls show one in three women have been sexually abused:

“Julie” was in the very act of having intercourse with her husband. Everything was going fine until she looked into her husband’s face, and he smiled at her. Suddenly all her sexual feelings left, leaving her with a sense of panic and fear. At first she did not know what had caused such emotional upheaval. Her conscious logical thinking told her it had to be her husband.

She had learned enough about repressed memory through her previous Theophostic sessions to know this was not the case. She asked her husband to stop the sexual moment and allow her to reflect on the situation. He was willing to do this since he was very sensitive to her situation and wanted nothing more than her recovery. While discussing the situation, her husband smiled at her again. Seeing his smile, she felt the same panic as before. She knew in that moment that the smile was triggering the emotional panic.
She closed her eyes and asked God’s Spirit to reveal to her the source of her pain and in an instant, she remembered her childhood abuser’s smirky grin. Her husband’s smile was very similar to her abuser’s look. The fact that she saw her husband’s smile at the same time that they were having sex together was enough to trigger the old lie and panic.

If a couple is willing to enter into a healing partnership, God can do much more in relation to their healing process. It is so easy to assume that the pain we have is due to our present relationships. This is rarely the case. It is true that some of the discomfort in any relationship has to do with the current attitudes and behavior of each person involved. But most pain is historically rooted.

Feel free to comment. Will you try this? Have you tried to do this? What results did you have?

YEAH, THEY WISH THEY WERE GETTING WATERBOARDED NOW...

This weeks LMAO award goes to the now running at break-neck speed Taliban of southern Afghanistan. In an artical written in THE SUN today (It's a short read, take a look) it says as many as 20 explosives "experts" of the terrorist group have died in the rush to plant IED's in the path of American and NATO forces. Do you suppose these thugs will blame America for these deaths because of the offensive? Sometimes the best way to beat these guys is to tell them when you’re coming and where you’ll be coming from. Being a U.S. solder is difficult and the days long and the pay is never enough, but once and a while, they get to laugh at these punks as the dust settles back to earth. Keep up the great work you guys and gals. We are loving, praying and supporting you each and every day.

ROCK THEIR WORLD

THE QUESTION....

Last night, I along with my band, were playing at Christian Music festival. I had watched many young people, some very young, sing their hearts out to God in praise and worship. It was deeply moving to see and The Spirit of the Lord was moving in wonderful and mysterious ways. Three hundred singers, songwriters, musicians, pastors and supporters had gathered for one reason: To allow everyone to hear the new and exciting ways people are worshiping our Great God.


And then, something happened to me that caused me to think about something and I am in need of your help. If God is in your heart, I desire your input here, for I am seeking an answer to a very difficult question.

The daughter of our bass player said something to me. She said, “It has taken me ten years to realize that my faith has nothing to do with feelings.”

Could that be true? Does faith have nothing to do with feeling?

After much thought, here are my thoughts on this. I want to paint you a word picture so your mind can better see what I am thinking here.

For me, my faith is like an island, this island has no beach, only cliffs rising out of the depths raising it high above the waters. At the top is a large flat area firm as stone with no sand, pebbles or uneven ground. It is solid and easy to traverse.

The feelings I have are like bridges to this plateau above the cliffs. My feelings can take me to my faith. My feelings can also take me from my faith. The bridges are two way streets.

The Bible tells us God made us in His image. God loves, he trusts, he loves, has joy, and has emotions, therefore we also share his emotions and feelings but from a much narrower perspective.

Please understand here that I am not talking about belief. Belief is a feeling based on knowledge. Belief clings to the rope, but faith allows us to let go of it.

So is Faith a place where emotions and feelings end? Are they intertwined? Does one have nothing to do with the other? Is this young woman wrong or is she on to something?

Please comment. Lets discuss this. I deeply desire your input and thoughts here. Come back often and interject and dispute or support claims made here. The discussion is open.

PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY

If a Republican President went out BUYING VOTES like this, the press would scream and the Democrats would call for investigations. The Briber in Chief is once again using America’s tax dollars to buy votes. This time it’s people, not carrier politicians who get the prize. This in an effort to stop the bleeding from failed policies and broken promises. The democrats have had congress for a decade now and they could not get anything done even with a filibuster proof 60 seat majority in the Senate. And they say it’s the Republicans who have fractured and aimless policies. Now with their majority slipping away, their desperate attempts to buy back the people are the best sign of transparency we have seen from this one term prophet.

As Mitt Romney said this week, "If you want to pin blame, pin the tail on the donkey!!

WISCONSIN BILLBOARD STABS THE HEART OF LIBERAL LEADERSHIP

This artical from The Drudge Report says some company run by Tom Wroblewski has placed this billboard on HWY. 41 near Oshkosh Wisconsin. Sooooo...what-da-ya-think?

GLOBAL WEIRDING - IT'S A SIN NOT TO BE GREEN: UPDATED AT BOTTOM

With their argument so weak they refuse to debate, I have to take a moment to vent on this junk science scam of a socialistic premise called man made global warming. I know I have spoke on this in the past and the exposure of the hacked emails is over six weeks old now, but there is a new twist, and the twist is religious in nature. The snowpocalypse the east is now seeing was not predicted. In fact, RFK the nephew of JFK said there would be no more snow for Virginia and Washington just 15 months ago. Now, with much of the east coast setting new records for snowfall, many are asking for yet more snow until "The Goracle" cries uncle.

I mean come on, weather is dynamic, it’s ever changing, and for anyone to think they can change the weather on a global scale when we haven’t seen 32 degrees here in Wisconsin for weeks is really overplaying their hand. Memories of Jonestown come to mind where anyone who disagreed with Rev. Jim Jones got a glass of Kool-Aid come to mind.


There has always been June snows in Denver, there have always been mud slides in California, there have always been forest fires in L.A. and they are telling us the weather is getting weirder and more extreme:   NO IT’S NOT!   Every year there are pockets of abnormal weather, but these “experts” have selective memory, and they are using it to rape our wallets by the billions.

Now, along comes this woman, her name is Susan Brooks Thistlethwaite. She is a “Religion” writer for The Washington Post. Her article HERE is the reason for this blog and she has drank a gallon of The Goracle's kool-aid.

An excerpt of her article says: “I hope some of the sermons this weekend are about the sin of refusing to see the effects of "global weirding" when they are right in front of you. Human beings, sinful as we are, can still refuse to see what is right in front of us, even when it's piled up five feet high and very, very cold. Catholic moral theologians have a wonderful term for this capacity in human nature, this particular way of sinning. They call it "willful ignorance." People who have a fixed idea that climate change is not happening are not likely to connect the dots on "snowmageddon" and the "global weirding" of our weather. They'll go on voting down climate change legislation and refusing to support the greening of our economy, while the snow piles up higher and higher and higher around their ears. A lot of the sermons this weekend will probably be taken from Genesis, but I hope some clergy also take a look at Exodus for good texts on "global weirding." Pharaoh had a hard time believing that change needed to come to Egypt, even though Moses warned him and warned him. God sent ten plagues, and only then did Pharaoh get it (Exodus 7-12), and even then he tried to back out at the last minute. I don't think God sent these particular plagues, however. Sadly enough, we brought it on ourselves, though there's a way you could say that was the case for Pharaoh too.”

Sorry, had to go pee I was laughing so hard. I'm back now...

So I am exhibiting “willful ignorance” by saying I don’t believe in your religion?
I’ll wear that proudly on my chest like a medal!!

A simple question here?

Are these "scientists” going to tell us

when the weather has returned to normal?

When will we know it’s ok to drive the SUV’s again?

Is there anyone here today

who thinks this has more to do

with science weirding than Global weirding?

“Oh My GOD we are having weather… AGAIN!”

UPDATE 2/13/2010: Sen. Dick Durbin was just beside himself this last week at how the people of Washington imploded when the snow storm hit. An article on “THE HILL” web site said: Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) blasted Washingtonians for going “into a full-scale panic” during snowstorms, unlike people from Illinois who “know how to live with it. I first came here as a student in 1963 … I lived a big part of my life, at least part-time, in Washington, D.C.,” Durbin said in remarks delivered on the Senate floor on Thursday. “I never could get over how people in this town reacted to snow. “I am convinced that infants born in Washington, D.C., are taken from the arms of their loving mothers right when they are born into a room where someone shows a film of a snowstorm with shrieking and screaming so that those children come to believe snow is a mortal enemy, like a nuclear attack, because I have seen, for over 40 years here, people in this town go into a full-scale panic at the thought of a snowfall. We joke about it. Those of us from parts of the country that get snow and know how to live with it cannot get over how crazy the reaction is many times."

That’s interesting. On Durbin’s own web site we see full scale panic about global warming HERE.

Like Bill Minnich says: "Remember, the idiots are right outside, and they want to come in."

Oh you're sooo right Bill, they are as close as your bathroom mirror.

UPDATE: 2/15/2010 - A top Obama administration scientist on Monday struck back at climate skeptics who claim that record snowstorms this winter have undercut evidence of global warming. “It is important that people recognize that weather is not the same thing as climate,” said Jane Lubchenco, head of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Lubchenco, speaking on NPR’s “Diane Rehm Show,” said the planet is warming but that weather is variable. The snowy weather, Lubchenco said, “is not a contradiction and it is not really unexpected.”

Not unexpected? You predicted it would not be snowing in Washington, so it wasn’t unexpected. Duck Tape please…

COULD WE PLEASE LET GREEN GO BACK TO BEING A COLOR?

THANK GOD MY TEAM IS THE PACKERS

WHY DO YOU NEED A TELEPROMPTER TO TALK TO 5TH GRADERS?

This Prsident is too scarry for words.

I have not seen a leader so weak in his message

and unsure of what he believes.

In short, Pathetically Incorrect.

What’s most offensive are the people who believe in this sham man.

Here’s the real question:

 If your leader is in need of being pumped words

to speak to an audience by a teleprompter even when the speech

is to the very simple minds of 10 year olds,

if he needs to be fed words that are not his own

and are spoken with a poverty of passion,

a zeal once displayed on the campaign trail

but is no longer present in his once, sometimes twice

daily need to address the country, is he really leader

or is he a puppet mouthpiece for some
darker more mysterious modes’

lying in some undisclosed location?

DUCK TAPE PLEASE....

THIS FROM FOX NEWS:

The White House strongly rejected assertions by Sen. Kit Bond on Thursday that administration officials defied an FBI request for secrecy when it held a briefing with reporters Tuesday about Christmas bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's cooperation with authorities.

In a letter to President Obama, Bond, R-Mo., scolded the White House for revealing the details of the interrogations, saying the administration is undermining national security by providing details the FBI specifically asked not be revealed.

"FBI officials stressed the importance of not disclosing the fact of his cooperation in order to protect ongoing and follow-on operations to neutralize additional threats to the American public," Bond, ranking member of the Senate Intelligence committee wrote.

"FBI Director Bob Muller (sic) personally stressed to me that keeping the fact of his cooperation quiet was vital to preventing future attacks against the United States," he continued.

"Twenty-four hours later, however, White House staff assembled members of the media to announce Abdulmutallab's cooperation and to laud the vents that led to his decision to cooperate with law enforcement personnel. This information immediately hit the air waves globally and, no doubt, reached the ears of our enemies abroad."

But White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs retorted that Bond owes many people an apology for suggesting they revealed classified information that could endanger Americans.

"I think he owes an apology to the professionals in the law enforcement community and those that work in this building, not for Democrats and Republicans, but who work each and every day to keep the American people safe and would not ever, ever, ever knowingly release or unknowingly release classified information that could endanger an operation or an interrogation," Gibbs said.

On Tuesday, the Senate intelligence panel hosted Director of National Intelligence Dennis C. Blair, CIA Director Leon Panetta and FBI Director Robert Mueller, among others, on current and projected threats on the United States that included a discussion of the decision to give Miranda rights to Abdulmutallab. In the conversation, it was revealed that he was now talking.

Afterward, administration officials briefed reporters about cooperation by Abdulmutallab, who was read Miranda rights after just 50 minutes of interrogation about his attempt to blow up a Northwest Airlines flight from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas.

Gibbs said that briefing -- and no other held by administration officials -- uses information that shouldn't be released. However, he conceded that the briefing to reporters on Tuesday was called in order to "contextualize" information released during the Senate hearing that Abdulmutallab was talking again to interrogators.

"For those of you who participated in the background briefing you know that that was something that was not timed purposefully. Soon after that, media reported. We felt it important to contextualize because many of you were e-mailing us what this testimony meant," he said. He added that Bond made a statement in Tuesday's hearing about losing Abdulmutallab's cooperation though he would have known from a briefing with senators a day earlier that the alleged bomber was cooperating. "Again I think the reason that charge was made is only to play politics. I actually don't believe that he thinks that is a serious allegation,. I think if you look at the letter that clearly this is about politics," he said.

Would someone… Anyone… Who reads this blog help me out here, because I just can’t figure this out. Not once did I hear the Bush administration talk about information gleaned from interrogation of terrorists except in vague and general terms without naming names or specifics. But to hear this White House and this press secretary openly talk about information from this guy, makes me have to get the duck tape, and wind it round and round and round my head or it will just explode. Why would you do this? What are they thinking? Why would you divulge you are getting ANYTHING from ANY TERRORIST? Why? Why why why?

WHERE IS THE H.I.G.

Here is something I didn't know, which of course is like saying, "Heres some water" but I found very interesting. Last August "The One" made a huge deal about ending the Bush administrations Terror Interrogation methods and installing a new intelligence arm to deal with terrorists called HIG. Here is Charles with the news we don’t know but should be aware of:



So we are one year into this administration and we are not prepared to do what this President told us we were going to do. Then an attack comes along and exposes the ineptitude of Obama and outright deception of the America public in making them believe…or…Hope this guy has all the bases covered. But it is just one year. No President should be prepared for a terrorist attack in one year… Or say…Nine months…

BILL MINNICH AND THE BULL BRIGADE

I will start with a thank you. I need to say a huge thanks to those who visited this blog, commented here, expressed opinion or just came to glean information for personal use this past January of 2010. Eight hundred and thirty one times this blog was hit by you my friends. I am humbled and flabbergasted by you coming here the way you have. From Alaska to Russia to Australia to South America, I thank you as a servant of democracy. I am overwhelmed and words cannot express what I feel for you. I appreciate you more than words can say.


Now, on to Bill Minnich and the big hairy lie…

In the post titled JUST FOR FUN I started to get comments by someone who was posting from Albuquerque, New Mexico. They claimed to be Barack Hussein Obama with the link of their name taking you to a transcript of Obama’s State Of The Union speech. After calling his bluff, Bill asked on his blog who had awakened The Eman and why was I accusing him of posting comments on my blog. There was a reply, from Barack Hussein Obama, who called herself “Kim” and made it sound like she was an acquaintance of Bill. This comment was immediately followed moments later by a comment by Bill, chastising “Kim” to end her antics. Bill posted his response in some 15 minutes, about the time it would take him to type the response. Like Bill was waiting for her reply? Not a freeking chance. Have another slice of Crapcake Bill. We’re on to your easy bluff.

People like Bill Minnich are a pariah: The live their lives thinking they cannot be wrong, and that makes it impossible for them to be right. When encountered they must be put back where they are found and warnings must be set up to guard others from being tangled in their web of oppression, servitude and tyranny. They are the elite class that seek to hold down the masses and gain what they can from them to set themselves apart from all others in order to oppress and manipulate. Beware, they cause great harm to anyone they encounter.

Failure to heed the warnings of those who have escaped their ilk doom those who tread where angels fear to go.

Bill, you and Diogenes and your alter-ego “Kim” need to take off the panties, get off the playground and get in the game of reality. You posted these comments. You can’t tell the truth even when your caught red handed. You are the sad product of poor attendance at a public school too dumbed down to know you were off hugging the trees.

We here at Pathetically Incorrect ask you formally to BUZZ OFF!
You have no idea how worthless your words are now.
They mean less than nothing
because you have broken a trust
and a promise never to return.
You have lost the respect you desire so badly.
GET BEHIND ME SATAN! 

Your literary license to post here is now void.

Take your girlfriend to bed with your wife and have a three-bee.

See how that works for HER… And HER…And you.

And no, we don’t care.